#MusicalMondayMemories #2: Town Quartet

Playing chamber music with the Town Quartet in Oakland CA and beyond for just shy of 7 years was pretty amazing. We had a last hurrah concert of Schubert G Major and Verdi back in April (both are exquisite if you’re in a listening mood). That was a blast, and there’ll be some video of that performance here in the future. I had my ups and downs as a member of the quartet, but I look back on our time together as a jewel, and look at me, I’m getting all nostalgic! Today’s video is an Anton Reicha fugue, one of two from our day of recording. This is No. 11 from Reicha’s “Quatuor Scientifique,” and it’s based on the theme from Haydn's Opus 20 No. 5 quartet. It’s a cool piece of music, and Corey, Jacob, and Lewis are musicians I hope to come across many more times in my life. Thank you for many amazing years of music!

This video was filmed on one of the most stressful days of my life. I didn’t know at the time what would follow, and everything turned out ok in the long run, but I can’t look back on it without remembering and appreciating where my life is now.

The self I knew in 2012, when I first started playing with TQ, has changed almost beyond internal recognition to how I now feel inside. I remember Mia Bella at 19 staying up until the early morning, sleeping a couple hours, warming up, taking the shuttle from Mills College to the UC Berkeley campus, walking to the Musical Offering Cafe, and reading quartets. We played every Sunday at the cafe - minus when other gigs came up - adding up to hundreds of Sundays and the most performing I’ve ever done with a group. I know I talked about lack of sleep last week as well, but it happened all too often, and there were several years in college and beyond that I felt like something was wrong with me, that I was incapable of thinking clearly and making musical and life decisions wisely. 

One of my absolute favorite things about Eric and I moving to Maine is that setting an alarm is not normal anymore. In January after our offer on our house was accepted, he brought back the book “Stranger in the Woods” by Michael Finkel, where the main takeaway Christopher Knight offers after 27 years alone is: “get enough sleep.” It is such a lovely book, involving all manner of exploration into the appeal of solitude throughout history and among societies, and the extremes people have gone to find it. If you want to read the original article this book stemmed from (I highly recommend it and the book!), here it is: https://www.gq.com/story/the-last-true-hermit

Nonfiction has become a staple on my bedside table, usually related to nature or focus and building up the ability to accomplish what you want with your life. The books usually put me to sleep nicely, sometimes as early as 9 or 10 now that I’m taking care of myself better, and my percolating thoughts are more exciting to me than ever before. While I considered ideas over the past 10 years that are similar to what I delve into now, I would often go months or even years without returning to the thoughts because I didn’t have the mental energy. I’m not a person with boundless energy and fortitude. Actually, I often get discouraged quite easily, and irritable at things I cannot control. Little by little, I find myself exploring these (and other) weaknesses, and sleep helps a lot.

Recently, I have started enjoying the process of preparation and exploration, being more playful with musical lines and even speaking before performances. There were communication issues I had as a member of the Town Quartet, things that I’m still working out in life in general, but the last few months of our time playing together were some of my favorite moments. I feel possibilities extend into the infinite, and while I wish I had known enough to think about these things years ago, I’m excited to be doing it now.

I cry easily, which is embarrassing so I tend to stifle thoughts and then spout them out in less opportune moments, and sometimes I just don’t think before I talk. I have always been nervous talking in groups, and in the past it has usually been heightened enough that I cycle through what I’m planning to say many times, and so my ability to shift perspective and discuss things comprehensively has been almost non-existent at times. Music needs on-the-spot thinking, though, and it’s a tricky balance when there are four people working together regularly. Some people who have had lots of rehearsals with me in the past few years have helped me appreciate what I have to offer, and I know I need to keep getting better at expressing my thoughts fully and effectively. It’s not an easy journey, and I’ve needed help from a lot of people, but communication is the only way we have to share with each other.

Presenting in classes was always stressful, and performing from memory for me was always rote preparation whether it was words or music. I think a lot of hard thoughts came up in my early 20s as I started shifting from the thinking that I had little of my own to offer as far as thoughts and musical ideas. I read a lot about social anxiety and habits in general. I took a class from Kaiser in Oakland on anxiety, which was intriguing and led me to be more and more interested in the workings of the mind, especially thought patterns and self-motivation. 

My first yoga classes I enjoyed (I dropped out of yoga in college) were about 2 years ago, just a couple blocks from our apartment, and there were always a few minutes of talking at the beginning and end with one specific teacher who delved into all kinds of subjects. My favorites were about our ability to expand consciousness. Sometimes I think the application of mindfulness in the world is too centered on productivity and doesn’t involve the spiritual aspect of the mind enough, but personally if I hadn’t started creating a yoga/stretching practice and morning routine I don’t know where I’d be today. Now I do at least 30 minutes every morning, after a walk and before I start to write or create in some way.

I look back and remember those 1 ½ hour classes as being some of the only calm I had, the only time my mind wasn’t swirling all around and my stomach wasn’t clenching. I made a podcast last year because I was just starting to get tired of not dealing with my thoughts healthily, and you can find in my “Mundane Mondays: the Minute Podcast” one episode very closely connected to this, titled “The Pit in the Stomach: Can We Make It Rock Our World?” 

I still have far to go as far as creating a positive, motivated mental environment. Communication with yourself can be just as hard as with other people, and thinking through reactions is (I keep hoping) becoming more possible for me as I cycle through stressed and hopeful mindsets. Playing with the Town Quartet taught me that even when I’m stressed out inside myself, I still need to strive for open communication and always keep group dynamics in mind. 

📷Fruit photo: Marco Rozzano; Video and screenshot: Owl Mountain Sessions